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| I'm so pathetic, I've never been able to continuously write on xanga or in my diary. Why am I so lazy?!?! D:
Don't really have time n my hands, but I have a need to vent. *sighs*.. Here goes!
- Exams were HORRIBLE! I know I could have studied MUCH harder and in all honesty done a MUCH better job on my exams. I have most definitely learned from mistakes, and next semester it's not going to happen again. I must say I'm proud of my commitment to attending tutorials for math, though. At least I know I can keep my dedication to SOMETHING. Haha, and I know I can fulfill dreams if I try hard enough.
- Alhamdulilah! I did great on HOSA. I don't like bragging, and I'm not going to. I placed 1st on Dental Assisting, 3rd on the Kaiser Permanente Exam, and I passed the Officer Exam so now I can have my interview in January! Wish me luck!!!
- Family is doing fine, Alhamdulilah! Sister is still, adjusting? I don't think that's a correct word. But we are all trying out best to help her out. I'm happy my brother is home!! I truly miss him while's he's gone. Break has been going great because I've been able to spend tons of time with everyone :]
- Friends are doing fine, Alhamdulilah. I'm discovering who's a true friend and who is not. And in all honesty, I'm not sad or upset to know someone whom I once respected isn't an individual I should associate with, instead I count the blessings within those friends who I know I can count on. Thank you to my awesome *family* :]
- I want to continue some art work. I have a project in mind but have been unable to find time to begin working on it. >.< In my spare time I'm trying to read.. but I feel like I spend all my time catching up on shows.. New Year's resolution!! Haha, InshAllah
The break is full of weddings, which in all honesty is FUN. I know it can be a tad bit tiring, btu I do enjoy the wedding joys :]
I miss *some* people. Yes, they still exist, but it's not longer the same. *sighs* that's okay, mine forever in some way, right?..
You know something that REALLY pisses me off, I feel as though no one in my house listens to me. Literally! It's like I'm talking to myself sometimes, it's absolutely ABSURD. And it hurts, too!!!! I can not wait to GROW UP...even though I kinda have already grown up :X Point be made, can't someone appreciate my thoughts and opinions, in the family, pleaseeeeee? D:
Well, it feels *great* to get alllllllll this junk off my chest. Thanks for listening!.. or reading, haha. Even though you don't know me, remember that I will FOREVER be here to listen to you vent. *muah*
Hope you all have been enjoying the holidays!!! Wish each and everyone one of you all the best, today, tomorrow, and always.
-Amber Cucumber
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| Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorryy!!! I know I said I would try writing more, and that obviously didn't happen! :P
UPDATE TIMEEEEEEEEE!
- So I thought I made my decision, and then I read my horoscope for the week and then i checked my xanga messages and found this. D: I don't know what to do!... Should I stop hurting him and just move on? Do he and I even have the slightest chance for a future? Because if not then I can't take the chance and risk EVERYTHING...
- I really need to get a grip of things in my life. I mean, this week was really crappy. But a gloomy day should not set me back. Unfortunately it did. You see, I WANT to succeed, and I know I will, but I want to be proud of what i accomplish, and I am not proud yet. *sighs* Last night was a HUGE wake-up call. I got my game-face back on, Amber is bringin' it!.. Haha, I'm so pathetic. :P
- Family: They are doing good, same ole' same. Little one made a decision that I am honestly not too happy about, but all I can do is support her. I'm doing the best I can at my job. Wish me luck, it'd be much appreciated.
- Friends: I can not remember if I have discussed this matter yet. But I feel as though my safety net completely...vanished. Like, that group of "sisters" doesn't exist anymore. When my best friend left from my school, I was honestly devastated. I don't care what anyone tells me but that girl gave me strength. I am doing alright on my own, but I miss her. And I miss feeling accepting. I got my B**** title back What did I do to gain it? I asked my class to be quiet during a movie assessment, I know, I am a TERRIBLE person! -.-
- I began making a list of small, personal goals I wish to accomplish. Here's the list SO FAR:
1) Learn to play "1000 Miles" by Vanessa Carlton on the piano
2) Finally make a rose out of icing
3) Backpack tour of Europe! I really would like to see Greece :]
4) Learn to skateboard
5) Learn to swim
6) Be happy for something I did for myself. I want to be "selfish" just once.. maybe I already have been, but I
forget what HAPPY really means.
7) Be a mom, an amazing mom
I shall leave it at that for the moment.
- I don't have any tolerance for drama. Thank goodness i have learned to let some things go, otherwise I would be stuck in an UGLYYY situation. YAY for no drama :]
- I am enjoying the school clubs so far. Very different than last year, but I am content. I just need to pick up my responsibilities and start working harder! I will get there though, I'm pretty excited about our USDA club.
- I need to honestly get my head straight. Focus on school, decide what college I desire to attend. Should I stay home or go out of the city...? Still am unsure, guess we'll have to see how this year goes :\ I don't like thinking about college, it makes me a sad panda. Haha, but I gotta figure it out.
- I got Pride and Prejudice. I would love to start reading again, and when I say read I mean inspirational literature that will actually help me! I saw the movie at Nationals and fell in love with it! Can't wait to read the book. Anyone read it before? I'd like to hear your opinions :]
- I'm going to do some work, yes on a Friday! lol. I'm going to say once and for all: I shall do my best to write next Friday! Have a wonderful weekend Xanga members :D
With Love,
-Amber Cucumber
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| I'M A SAD PANDA! D:
I'm sorry (to myself) for not posting anything in ages. I'll try updating school.
Ranks came out today... *looks around then down at shoes* Yeah, ranks came out today, hah.
I have LOTS of work to do. I shall bury myself in books! I'll come find you when I dig myself out again :P
I dunno what I am going to do about the family, or school, or about him, or my friends, or my religion.
Dude, I haven't baked in the longest time ever. That's absurd!
I fear the future, I learned that. Fearing the future depresses me, I should overcome this challenge. NEW GOAL!
I'll show myself, I can be beast if I want to.
I'll update later, I hope.
With Love,
-Amber Cucumber
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| I know I am a little late, but I still want to say...
RamadanMubarak! At last, the time has come.
To fast and to praise our Lord.
The time we remember where we have come from,
And when all the beauty we see is adored.
Oh Allah (SWT), hear our dua.
Oh Allah (SWT) give us the strength to endure this test,
For we fear only your punishment and Qiyamah.
By Islam's light we have surely been blessed.
To say we are starving is frowned upon,
And to say we don't like to fast deserves a punishment.
Each morning when we awake at dawn,
It's important to pray for guidance as we reach an accomplishment.
We ask to seek Allah’s mercy, forgiveness, and protection from Hellfire.
To fast in good health during the month of Ramadan is my desire.
________________
Ehh, I tried my best. :]
I wish you all Ramadan Mubarak!
I ask you to please keep my family and me in your thoughts and prayers, as you are all in mine.
May this Ramadan better than last year's. Ask from Allah all that you desire, let Him know that you are thankful, and seek from Him protection, and InshAllah your dua will be heard.
I l am truly blessed to have you all in my life. I thank you for all that you have done for me, and for all that you have helped me through. I hope to see you all on Eid, InshAllah!
Sincerely,
-Amber Cucumber | | |
| I'm heartbroken, that's all I can truly say.
I have a group of family friends. And in that family friend cirler there are three little girls. Ages 5, 7, and 8. These 3 girls are like my little sisters- I call them mine, paint their nails, play with them, dance with them; almost anything and everything that an older sister would do. (Sorta)
Anyways, a few weeks back, the 5-year old said something that broke my heart.
Her: "I'm fat."
Me: "What? No you aren't! How are you fat, silly? Look I can wrap my hands around your little tummy!"
Her: "No, I'm fatt!"
And shortly after, the two other girls joined and agreed that ALL 3 of them were fat.
Another sad incident that i encountered was a best friend of mine saying how dramatically upset she was that she couldn't fit into a size 0 at Hollister today. My response to her was that the world should be concerned about bigger issues and problems, like poverty and sickness, instead of not being able to be stick skinny. If she were to say "I'm upset I can't fit into size 18 jeans anymore because they are too small," it would be a different story because her HEALTH would be an issue. (I'm not saying anything for girls who do wear size 18+, I am just saying something)
After these 2 incidents occurred, the following thoughts came to mind:
- You are under the age of 10 and are already concerned with being fat
- Who's to blame for this? The parents or the media?
- If they think they are fat now, what is going to happen when they are 16? Anorexia or bulimia?
- Why do all girls (and women) have this horrible image about being super skinny?
I can't explain the disappointment I felt when hearing my little girls say that they are fat. I can't not explain the frustration I felt when my friend cried for not being able to fit into a size 0. Doesn't the media get it? They've done ENOUGH damage already! WHY are women so obsessed with being THAT skinny. People who are that skinyn in 3rd world countries find it absurd that these girls starve themselves so that they can't gain weight.
For all of those girls, boys, women, and men who believe they are "fat" while fitting into zero jeans, you all are idiots. For all of those older siblings out there who tell their younger brothers and sisters that they are fat, you al are imbeciles. For those parents who sit there and allow their children to refuse and eat, you all are horrifying.
I can not stress enough the importance in people becoming educated about being healthy, watching their weight, and beocming responsible.
HOW did we allow 5 year old girls to worry about being skinny/fat? Are't they supposed to be concerned about knowing how to count to 100, or arguing with their friends on what to name their Barbie dolls?
Seeing these posts on Lovelyish about how "Overweight Girl's Can't Rock Skinny Jeans", or "Do You Think Kelly Clarkson is Fat?" annoys the daylight out of me! LEAVE PEOPLE ALONE! ALL YOU need to do is EDUCATE others ON HOW THE BE HEALTHY! Being SKINNY really ISN'T all that gamerous. NO ONE is EVER happy with what they've got. EVERYONE wants to change how they look. Can't you people be thankful for how you do look?
The way i see it is like this?: If you aren't happy with how you look, take a positive and safe approach to change it. That's all there is to it. You don't need to starve yourself, you don't need to wear 70 pounds of make-up, you don't need to buy over-priced articles of clothing. Eat healthy, look presentable. That's all there is to it!
I hope my girls know that they are beautiful, because they truly are. I pray that the media tones it down a couple of notches, because I am sick and tired of hearing the "issues" girls have concerning their weight (and face). I just...wish people focused on more important problems and conflicts that REAL people face on a daily basis.
This topic has been on my mind for quite some time now. Just felt like posting. If I offended anyone, I apologize. It's not in my intentions to hurt people, to stereotype, or to criticize. This is MY personal opinion.
With Love,
-Amber Cucumber
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